Sometimes I wonder why people own pets. It's a stupid question really when all it brings in the end is this horrible pain that's ridiculously hard to deal with. Recently, while coping with the death of Kallie I've come to realize that my little hamster won't be around forever either. Before anyone goes any further and rolls their eyes and says it's just a hamster, please zip the lips. I'm very attached to my animals. All of them. Even my little rodents.
Paddy is my little angel. I'm scared that she's next because I know she's slowed down a little. I mean, she's only a year and a half but the point is that I feel like I hear this little clock ticking in my head warning me that she's getting old now. What happens when she dies? I guess I'll bury her next to Kallie, witrh her little house and baby blanket. But I think it'll be just as hard as when Kallie died.
When kallie died at least I had her to snuggle even if she couldn't stay still long enough for me to really cuddle her much. I don't remember never loving her either. She was actually supposed to be Mark's pet. Ha. That didn't last long because I fell in love with her too. Now I don't know how I'd sleep at night without her in my room, running on her wheel or staring at me like some creepy...stalkery thing. Its simple to say just get another one but I can't imagine not having her but the day is coming, isn't it? Maybe I'm being pessimistic.
Maybe I'm depressed again?
Probably.
Sometimes I think I might be - but then maybe it's just me coping with the grief that's finally come to haunt me
The point is sometimes I wonder why I go through this whole thing where I buy a new pet. The inevitability is that eventually they'll die and I'll be without them until I die. My grandmother once told me animals don't have souls, so they don't go to heaven.
Well let me tell you something about this heaven thing supposing that's what happens when we die. If my furbabies aren't at the end of that RainBow Bridge or at the Pearly gates waiting for me I'm not going in. It sounds stupid to the devoted Christian who holds the belief of my grandmother I"m sure but its true. Heaven is supposed to be eternal bliss. Well, it will never be bliss for me if my babies aren't there with me. Every last one of them.
Its a horrible thing to wonder about, you know, late at night. Some people probably think I'm crazy loving an animal so much.
Maybe I am, but I would n't trade it for anything in the world
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